Love should not hurt - I tell my psychotherapy clients, my students and my kids.  Now I wish I could tell Rihanna and all abused “loved” ones.  When a partner uses physical violence, it is time to say good-bye.

The evidence shows that it is a rare abuser who reforms.   A man who beats his partner is unlikely to be able to stop himself, despite taking anger management classes, when he gets truly upset or frustrated. Don’t be the person who hopes beyond reason that your man will be different, or that you can help him.

If you are in a romantic relationship with a person who beats you up, GET OUT!  Domestic violence rarely gets better.  It almost always gets worse.

No one deserves to be hit or pushed.  If your loving but volatile partner hits you, it is NEVER your fault, no matter what you said or did.  Too many women stay for “love.”  If you are cut and bruised while dating, with no sick children, no mortgage payments due, no real troubles, that is not love.  And when you are dating, you can get out easily. But even if you are married to an abuser, you still need to get out as soon as possible.  It isn’t good for you, it isn’t good for the kids, and it isn’t love.  Go to a shelter, to a friend’s house, to the police, to family, but get out.

Even the best relationships will have tough times.  You deserve a partner who will share responsibility and supports you through everything.  Don’t for a minute believe that someone who could abuse you once will not resort to violence again.

Love should not hurt.  If it does, it isn’t the kind of love you deserve. Get out now.