Love should not hurt - I tell my psychotherapy clients, my students and my kids.  Now I wish I could tell Rihanna and all abused “loved” ones.  When a partner uses physical violence, it is time to say good-bye.

The evidence shows that it is a rare abuser who reforms.   A man who beats his partner is unlikely to be able to stop himself, despite taking anger management classes, when he gets truly upset or frustrated. Don’t be the person who hopes beyond reason that your man will be different, or that you can help him.

If you are in a romantic relationship with a person who beats you up, GET OUT!  Domestic violence rarely gets better.  It almost always gets worse.

No one deserves to be hit or pushed.  If your loving but volatile partner hits you, it is NEVER your fault, no matter what you said or did.  Too many women stay for “love.”  If you are cut and bruised while dating, with no sick children, no mortgage payments due, no real troubles, that is not love.  And when you are dating, you can get out easily. But even if you are married to an abuser, you still need to get out as soon as possible.  It isn’t good for you, it isn’t good for the kids, and it isn’t love.  Go to a shelter, to a friend’s house, to the police, to family, but get out.

Even the best relationships will have tough times.  You deserve a partner who will share responsibility and supports you through everything.  Don’t for a minute believe that someone who could abuse you once will not resort to violence again.

Love should not hurt.  If it does, it isn’t the kind of love you deserve. Get out now.

One of the concerns I hear most from new moms is the discomfort about having no control.  Many mothers of young children struggle with how little of their lives they are able to control.  Young children operate on their own schedules with their own, often perplexing agendas, and good moms try to keep organized and on top of things.  No matter how hard one tries, though, sometimes things just don’t go as planned.

My advice?  Try to let it go.  There is only so much of life one can truly control anyway.  If you can, learn to let life happen.  When you try to direct or control every minute, every outcome, you feel guilty or inadequate when you don’t achieve what you had hoped.  But when you can relax a bit, enjoy the more natural, unplanned moments, good things often happen.  And even if they don’t, at least you won’t feel so frustrated.