Baby Weight – Jennifer Lopez as Role Model?

“Jennifer Lopez in No Rush to Lose Pregnancy Weight!”  I read the headline with excitement.  I was thrilled to see, finally, one post-pregnancy celebrity claiming to embrace her post partum body.  She’s quoted, referring warmly to her loose belly fat, and again, I think, ‘Yes!  A real role model at last!” But I keep reading.  While she claims to be in no hurry to regain her pre-pregnancy body, she also has plans to enter a triathlon in the fall. She may say she is in no hurry to get rid of the baby fat, but training to compete in a triathlon in just a few months makes me question the sincerity of her proclaimed love of baby fat.

I am disappointed in the many beautiful and unnaturally thin celebrities who have given birth recently.  A few short weeks after delivering, they appear on TV and in magazines looking rested, glamorous and trim. The mere mortals among us, those real, non-famous women without full time nannies, housekeepers, personal trainers, make-up artists and professional chefs, see these beauties and compare themselves.  Forgetting that it is the celebrity’s job to look gorgeous, that comparison often makes them feel inadequate. 

Non-celebrity new mothers spend their days being the nannies, housekeepers, chefs and chauffeurs, and many hold jobs outside the home as well.  Most take care of their loved ones without the staff of round-the-clock helpers.  Regular mothers have trouble finding the time to take a shower, let alone get enough rest and exercise and a manicure or makeover.  Busy taking care of others, many mothers forget about taking care of themselves.  Losing a few extra pounds is not usually something that a new mother can (or even should) devote much time or energy to – having these celebrities as role models just isn’t realistic or fair.

My client, Olivia, gave birth via c-section just eight weeks ago.  By all objective measures, Olivia looks great.  She visited me recently, dressed in jeans and a flattering top, her hair shiny and well-cut. She brought her new baby, who slept like an angel while we chatted.  Mother and baby were adjusting well, in almost all ways, but Olivia was very dissatisfied with herself.  One of her biggest concerns was that none of her clothes fit her. “I look awful,” she said.

“You are just eight weeks post delivery!!!” I told her.  “I think you look great.”   And while she could acknowledge that she looks pretty good for so soon after a c-section, she is still discouraged that she doesn’t fit into some of her pre-pregnancy clothes.  She feels uncomfortable and sloppy and just bad about herself.

I am angry that we live in a society so charmed by the super-thin, and it pains me that this preoccupation with paring women down to a size 2 (in Hollywood, size zero is the goal) affects not only gymnasts and teenagers.  Many normal, healthy women feel bad about themselves every day, and new mothers in particular feel inadequate when they don’t immediately shed those extra pregnancy pounds.  Oddly, in all my work with mothers and children, I’ve never seen a correlation between thinness and happiness, or thinness and being a good mother.  Why, then, do so many women judge themselves on their weight, and so few on their warmth, loyalty, creativity, humor, kindness, intelligence, or generosity?  Even when a new mother feels she is giving everything she has to her family and friends, despite knowing she is a loving partner and efficient worker, she can feel terrible about herself for being to “fat.” 

I’d like to see less interest in how physically attractive a woman is or isn’t.  I’d like to see genuine tolerance and appreciation for what a woman’s body goes through to give birth, along with acceptance of what that body looks like, sometimes for a long time, afterwards.  If it is normal for women to take some time, maybe many months, to regain their pre-pregnancy figures (and it is) why don’t we accept and applaud that?  Instead of admiring a woman who, just weeks after delivery, fits into all her tiny, slinky old clothes, why don’t we compliment a new mother on her voluptuousness?  Congratulate her on how well her body has served her and her baby?  Maybe more to the point, why do we care what she looks like at all?

I wish that no on really cared whether or not Jennifer Lopez has a little extra belly fat.  I wish that all new mothers were proud of their bodies and instead, focused on the most important aspects of motherhood – how to love and nurture their babies, feel good about themselves both as people and as mothers, how to be a good partner.  I wish we were more interested in whether or not our celebrities are warm, giving, bright, interesting and loving people, and not whether or not they have flat tummies. So while Jennifer Lopez’s supposed embracing of her post-delivery body is wonderful, I wish she weren’t in such a hurry to whip that body into triathlon-ready shape so soon.